Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
