if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
