it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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