brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
