Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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