Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
