he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
