I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
