i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
being pregnant is like rehab
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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