I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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