I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
