The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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