and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
