I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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