I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
