He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
