It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
