He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
