I could make wine with my vomit
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize