I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
