Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
