no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
