I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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