I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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