White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
