Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
