If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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