i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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