he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
