I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
4 words: hood of his car
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
