I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
