I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
