id be glad to
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
