OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
