If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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