I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
