real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
