how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bring money and cleavage
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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