Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Bring me that man meat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
