I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
