Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
