Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize