I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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