I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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