Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
