Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
