I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
