I am spending my child support on dildos
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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