is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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