how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
