i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
