also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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