I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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