wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
