nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
that may or may not have been my penis.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
