Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
