Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
