I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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