I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
