I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
