lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
