i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
