You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
