You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
