My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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