Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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