got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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