my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
then he tried to convert me to islam
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
